Category Archives: Thoughts
I’ve been complaining a lot lately about not being able to find jeans that fit me correctly. It’s actually something that I’ve moaned about before. Really it’s quite ridiculous. There are jeans that I can’t get past my calves. There are jeans I’ve had to get my husband to help pry off said calves. There are jeans that fit my legs but then sag in the waist. What do I have to say about all of this?
My damn big girl legs. I hate them.
I’ve been throwing a sorta pity party for myself on days when I feel like I’m going to be walking around in yoga pants and or leggings for the rest of my days. I’ve worked so hard on my fitness, and here I am not being able to find a damn pair of pants.
These stupid big girl legs.
My husband will tell me, “You don’t have big girl legs“. I brush him off and tell him, thanks for trying to appease me, but I know the truth. I’m stuck with these things.
Then suddenly while I was stretching after a workout the other day I came to a realization.
I’m a hypocrite.
I’ll explain a little. Meet my “mini me” for those who haven’t met her yet.
I’ve said over and over my fitness and journey to health was never one about vanity. It was most importantly about being a role model to my family. Especially important to me in this equation is my mini me - because well, as women, we all know what kind of pressure we feel from media, men, and hell even other women to look and act a certain way.
If you know me at all personally, you’d know that I don’t do norms. I don’t care to fall into what people expect. I never have. Even growing up I never felt pressure to be a certain size, or act a certain way. I was just ultimately me. Maybe why this is why I can confidentially say that my journey was never vanity driven. Sure before my journey I could crack the occasional “big girl” joke on myself, but I never took them to heart. I never dreamed of being a certain size.
One thing I’ve always wanted to make sure I instill in my daughter is that she knows she is perfect the way she is. To not let anyone ever let her think otherwise. To grow up knowing that she deserves the utmost respect from others, and to respect herself.
– insert that hyporcrite part here —
Here’s where I realized the other day that I was doing nothing other than bashing myself. How can I teach my daughter to love herself completely when I’m bashing myself? Mind you, I have never referenced being “fat” or my “big girl legs” around her – but I’m still saying it to myself. And I’m a hypocrite for it.
I can’t say I will ever entirely get past the negative self talk, but I will make a damn hard effort to kick it in the rear as I start to feel those negative self image remarks creeping up in the back of my head. So today I choose to celebrate these legs.
After all, these legs aren’t the legs they used to be. They’re a different kind of “
big girl legs”. These legs are strong. They have muscle.
These legs are capable of things they never were. These damn legs kick ass. Literally, I do lots of kicking in my workouts. These legs are just proof that I am a better version of my previous self. Screw you jeans. You suck. It’s not me, it’s you. Too bad you don’t fit these legs. I’ll move on and just find a better pair that can contain the awesomeness that resides in these legs.
Are you guilty of negative self talk? What are you too hard on yourself about? What body part can you choose to celebrate instead of bash?
Here’s my today. Let me bore you a little. Today it was chilly in the morning (although it warmed up) and it felt like it was appropriate to wear some boots. First boots of the season woot!
Today I also did some shopping. Are you ready to see the bounty of my awesome shopping?
Picked up some GNC Vanilla Whey. You don’t want to know how much protein is in my house. I realized the other day I was out of Vanilla Whey. My husband asked how that was friggin possible. No idea – but hey crisis averted. I also got some tall socks. Because shopping for myself is this exciting. Wait. I did by orange and dark chocolate chips they have out right now for Halloween! That’s exciting – but no photo.
So other than that I wanted to take a quick second to say thank you to everyone that reads this thing. The people that send me nice, emails, private messages, comments, etc. You are much appreciated and I am honored every time someone tells me they find my story inspiring. Any time I’m asked to share my journey I’m just dumbfounded because I don’t feel spectacular in any manner.
That being said, I get so many questions etc now, that unfortunately I can’t answer and respond long winded answers like I used to. You can imagine I get lots of questions about my weightloss. I infact get a lot of the same questions. I talk about that here:
Please don’t take offense to this. If I could hold everyones hand along their own journey lord knows I would certainly do it. That being said, I’ve got it on my to do list to be proactive about working on getting up answers to the questions I get asked most, yes, even ones that I may find personally ridiculous. Aren’t you curious now?
I’d love to update you all today and tell you how much better I feel after my last post, but unfortunately this is life – and it’s far from perfect. Yesterday after my workout I was feeling even worse than my last post. I sat down and had a talk with my husband about the possibility of taking Sunday off from workouts.
No really, this needed a sit down talk with my husband. Because it’s serious. Because I can’t even recall the last time I have not worked out on a day that wasn’t my normal “rest day” (which is Thursdays for me by the way.) It has been years since a Sunday has gone by that I haven’t done a workout. I have only recently finally gotten over the fact of not working out twice on Sundays, read about that here.
Yes, I have issues, and I know it. And this was one I was not going to get through on my own. I figured that we could spend the day doing highly family oriented things all day, and run a few errands. Meaning, the more I kept busy away from home the more likely I was going to be able to get through this day without squeezing a workout in.
I have been pestering my husband lately to take me apple picking, so I figured that would be something we could all enjoy. It’s something I’ve never done before, and although we left with some lovely apples, it didn’t go as planned. Life what can I say. My youngest son has very bad allergies, extreme enough that we have to have an epi pen with us at all times – and of course there were bees everywhere. The owner even commented that she had never had so many bees ever around her trees. So, for my kiddos safety me and the two youngest went back to the van. My oldest and le hubs stayed behind to pick us some apples. But, the kids do seem happy with the haul, so I guess that’s all that matters.
Although crap, it would’ve just been so much more fabulous if it had gone down something like this:
So I spent some time with my family, read a book, and even though the day didn’t go as planned, it went. It’s nearing the end of my day and I have not melted into a pool of nothingness because I didn’t workout. Am I still feeling an icky feeling in the pit of my stomach about it? Yes. But I also know that my body is severely needing this. I hope tomorrow I can appreciate the fact that I’ve done this for myself when I’m hopefully feeling a little better.
But more than anything, I’m reinforcing with myself this:
One day at at time.
Good or bad, it’s all I can do. And I know I’ve posted this before, but I felt I needed to see it again myself, so I’ve made a printable version for others out there that may find it useful as well.
Hope you all had a great weekend, and hope at least some of you had a badass workout even when I couldn’t.