Category Archives: Thoughts
I took an online quiz earlier today talking about which side of your brain ‘rules’. Right or Left. I was actually sort of surprised of my personal outcome. Although I consider myself to be a creative type, my brain weighed equally. Of course, I blame that possibly on my slight tendency to be a little OCD. I say that somewhat jokingly because I’m not diagnosed or anything. I guess perhaps anal or uppity may be a better descriptive for myself. But that’s actually not what I wanted to talk about at all.
I may have seemingly “been absent” as of late. If you haven’t noticed – then just ignore that and carry on reading this… I’ve had a lot on my mind (both sides of it according to the above quiz results). I started talking about feeling worn down and generally hurt in January when I opened up about my personal rest + rejuvenate January.
But unfortunately January came and went, and I can’t say I was feeling that much better, or more positive for that matter. This past week marks the most amount of time I’ve taken off of working out since my fitness journey began a few years ago. A lot has been weighing on my mind about where to go from here. Things like:
- What do I want my workouts to look like from now on?
- Do I have any current personal fitness goals I would like to achieve?
- Can I achieve those without putting my body through the ringer like I have in the past?
- Why is finding this balance SO DAMN HARD?!
But with that negative, I believe there also came a little positive. I’ve come to some realizations over the past few months. Some about myself, and about how I want to live my life.
- I am healthier than I have ever been. Despite feeling down lately, I am still a better version of myself.
- I’ve come to realize that I need to address my workouts in the same fashion I have come to address my eating. 80/20 (meaning 80% of what I eat is healthy, the other, not so much). Applying this to my workouts will be a great step for me I think. Not every workout has be a calorie blaster. I do not have to workout everyday.
- I workout now not only because I want to be healthy – but I enjoy it. I will take more time to do workouts that I genuinely enjoy.
I liked this quote. And although some days I may feel defeated – I know for me it’s just part of the process. I have never been really defeated along my journey. Because I would never let myself be. And this is just a new journey for me. A step along the way.
Also I’d normally insert the “what about you?” question here. But sometimes I don’t feel like I need a question. I’m just sharing with you where I’m at, and what I’ve been up to. Hope you’ve been well.
There are a few things I could blog about today. But, I’m actually thinking I will save them for another day. I was having a fat day today. You know one of those crappy days where you just feel yourself thinking….
I feel fat.
I would chalk these up to my fat girl demons, but I dare someone to say they don’t have days when the feel like this. Say you don’t and I’ll call you a liar.
But I decided I wasn’t going to dwell on it today, I had too much to do. OK OK, but I did do a google search for something funny to share with you After all I try to be honest and share my his and lows here. And really, there had to be a funny meme or crappiply photoshopped picture that I was destined to add to my pinterest board right?
I didn’t necessarily find what I was looking for, I was pleasantly surprised when I found this gem below. I was also really glad I could follow the image back to it’s original source.
It’s actually a few “pages” of a comic by C. Mucha, and goes like this:
Fat is not a feeling.
Though it has a lot of emotional friends: Anxiety, sadness, fear, disappointment, doubt, [ and] embarrassment.
We monitor feelings to gauge whether things are… good, ok, [or] bad.
Feeling fat makes us believe something always must change.
“Fat” makes us distrust our own feelings.
“Fat” is a sensation, of monitoring how much space you occupy, then judging it.
We equate judgment with virtue. As long as we are monitoring our bodies, we are being “good”.
Truth: you will never feel better by believing the problem is that your body takes up too much space in this world. Never.
Your body isn’t going anywhere. Your body deserves to take up space.
Your body is a solid mass. “Fat” is a gas. A thought that will take up as much space as you give it.
Hate is not a magic wand that shrinks your thighs.
Buy mental real estate in other things. Don’t give empty lots of your brain over to noxious ideas.
Start by eliminating this phrase from your vocabulary: “I Feel Fat”.
Because fat is not a feeling.
Pretty awesome sauce right? I think the entire thing is awesome, but the part about the thighs made me smile. And so does this:
Suck it fat days! Oh did I mention today was a snow day (again!). Those can suck it too. But I’ll post about that another day.
Fess up. When’s the last time you had a “fat day”.
What do you do to combat them, or other negative self thoughts?
Or perhaps a little squidward-esque? Yes, you better believe most things around this house are related to Spongebob. And yes, I have no problem being a Squidward.
I mean I think resolutions are great. It may be a little selfish, but I also can’t help but love the influx of great fitness goodies available at the stores at the beginning of the year!
I digress. I think resolutions can be life changing for people – if you stick with them. I mean come on people, lets look at the definition of resolution:
Pretty sure there is no mention of abandon all hope after 3 weeks if things aren’t going your way. I think people get lost on the resolve portion. Do people feel pressured into choosing a resolution just because it’s a new year? How about sticking with something you were working on last year? I mean crap, all your efforts from the past year aren’t instantly vaporized when the clock hits midnight right?
And as I’m typing this, its kinda dawning on me that I may have discovered my one little word for 2014. (Originally I had planned ‘boobies’ as my one word, but this works too.)
Whatever I want to work on, or want to improve for myself, my family, my health, or any aspect of my life – this year I resolve to keep going. Hey that was easy enough right? And no pressure there. A New Year’s resolution to be my best and keep going. That’s such a keeper I don’t even know if I’d ever have to choose a one little word again. Even if boobies is awful tempting.
I do have a fitness and workout related stuff to share with you guys in the next few days. There’s definitely going to be some resolve reiterated in that post for sure!
So how about you? Do you choose resolutions? Or do you pick one little word?
I’ve been complaining a lot lately about not being able to find jeans that fit me correctly. It’s actually something that I’ve moaned about before. Really it’s quite ridiculous. There are jeans that I can’t get past my calves. There are jeans I’ve had to get my husband to help pry off said calves. There are jeans that fit my legs but then sag in the waist. What do I have to say about all of this?
My damn big girl legs. I hate them.
I’ve been throwing a sorta pity party for myself on days when I feel like I’m going to be walking around in yoga pants and or leggings for the rest of my days. I’ve worked so hard on my fitness, and here I am not being able to find a damn pair of pants.
These stupid big girl legs.
My husband will tell me, “You don’t have big girl legs“. I brush him off and tell him, thanks for trying to appease me, but I know the truth. I’m stuck with these things.
Then suddenly while I was stretching after a workout the other day I came to a realization.
I’m a hypocrite.
I’ll explain a little. Meet my “mini me” for those who haven’t met her yet.
I’ve said over and over my fitness and journey to health was never one about vanity. It was most importantly about being a role model to my family. Especially important to me in this equation is my mini me - because well, as women, we all know what kind of pressure we feel from media, men, and hell even other women to look and act a certain way.
If you know me at all personally, you’d know that I don’t do norms. I don’t care to fall into what people expect. I never have. Even growing up I never felt pressure to be a certain size, or act a certain way. I was just ultimately me. Maybe why this is why I can confidentially say that my journey was never vanity driven. Sure before my journey I could crack the occasional “big girl” joke on myself, but I never took them to heart. I never dreamed of being a certain size.
One thing I’ve always wanted to make sure I instill in my daughter is that she knows she is perfect the way she is. To not let anyone ever let her think otherwise. To grow up knowing that she deserves the utmost respect from others, and to respect herself.
– insert that hyporcrite part here —
Here’s where I realized the other day that I was doing nothing other than bashing myself. How can I teach my daughter to love herself completely when I’m bashing myself? Mind you, I have never referenced being “fat” or my “big girl legs” around her – but I’m still saying it to myself. And I’m a hypocrite for it.
I can’t say I will ever entirely get past the negative self talk, but I will make a damn hard effort to kick it in the rear as I start to feel those negative self image remarks creeping up in the back of my head. So today I choose to celebrate these legs.
After all, these legs aren’t the legs they used to be. They’re a different kind of “
big girl legs”. These legs are strong. They have muscle.
These legs are capable of things they never were. These damn legs kick ass. Literally, I do lots of kicking in my workouts. These legs are just proof that I am a better version of my previous self. Screw you jeans. You suck. It’s not me, it’s you. Too bad you don’t fit these legs. I’ll move on and just find a better pair that can contain the awesomeness that resides in these legs.
Are you guilty of negative self talk? What are you too hard on yourself about? What body part can you choose to celebrate instead of bash?
Here’s my today. Let me bore you a little. Today it was chilly in the morning (although it warmed up) and it felt like it was appropriate to wear some boots. First boots of the season woot!
Today I also did some shopping. Are you ready to see the bounty of my awesome shopping?
Picked up some GNC Vanilla Whey. You don’t want to know how much protein is in my house. I realized the other day I was out of Vanilla Whey. My husband asked how that was friggin possible. No idea – but hey crisis averted. I also got some tall socks. Because shopping for myself is this exciting. Wait. I did by orange and dark chocolate chips they have out right now for Halloween! That’s exciting – but no photo.
So other than that I wanted to take a quick second to say thank you to everyone that reads this thing. The people that send me nice, emails, private messages, comments, etc. You are much appreciated and I am honored every time someone tells me they find my story inspiring. Any time I’m asked to share my journey I’m just dumbfounded because I don’t feel spectacular in any manner.
That being said, I get so many questions etc now, that unfortunately I can’t answer and respond long winded answers like I used to. You can imagine I get lots of questions about my weightloss. I infact get a lot of the same questions. I talk about that here:
Please don’t take offense to this. If I could hold everyones hand along their own journey lord knows I would certainly do it. That being said, I’ve got it on my to do list to be proactive about working on getting up answers to the questions I get asked most, yes, even ones that I may find personally ridiculous. Aren’t you curious now?